Dear Dennis:

Thanks for your support, but my child has broken all the contracts that she has ever signed. I thought that there was something wrong with her brain because she will sign a contract today and breaks it tomorrow. I took her to several psychologists and therapists, some of whom have done brain scans on her and said there was nothing wrong with her brain. She is not on drugs, not having sex and as one doctor puts it, "she has a desperate attempt to control her own behavior". We could not let her raise herself because she was a child.

Well, now that she is almost 18, I am ready to have her raise herself. I have given her a moving date of September 7, when she will be 18. She is asking friends, but no one will take her in. I am thinking that maybe we can rent a room from someone for her so that we don't have to live with her, and if she screws that up then we are done. I have also asked her to find a job. She is actively looking for one. I think my BIG issue with letting her go is that she was adopted by us and I feel as if I am throwing her away again. My spouse and I are on the same page and we both feel the same way. I am in the Antelope Valley Area-Los Angeles County. I am not sure if there is a B.I.L.Y. group here. Thank you. — Janet

Hi Janet:

Antelope Valley is a bit of a distance from Granada Hills, but we have had parents travel even further to attend our meetings. There is no B.I.L.Y. group any closer. I hope that you will get some support soon that will help you see that you are not throwing her away but giving her the opportunity to grow and experience what is ahead of her. You love her and that will never change. But it is time for her to witness reality and to make her own choices. Approach the September date as an opening of a new beginning for your daughter rather then a consequence. Support her with positive vibes. If helping her find a room to rent is part of the plan, be sure that she understands that she has ownership of that plan not you. There are a variety of shelters if it fails, but she must realize that coming back into the home after she moves out will no longer be an option. Good luck and stay strong and focused. — Dennis

THANK YOU DENNIS.

I really like that last sentence, "coming back into the home after she moves out will no longer be an option". Thank you so much. I will take that with me. I needed to hear that. — Janet