Taking the First Steps

Your First Homework Assignment

You learn a lot when you go to B.I.L.Y. Meetings. One of your first homework assignments (yes, you get homework) is to write out a list of rules for your home. Setting rules, so simple and yet at the same time, so difficult! It is important because even though we think we are clear when talking to our children, they usually do not hear what we think we are saying. So, you need clear rules, in writing.

However, as parents, we learn early on to pick our battles, and so there cannot be an overwhelming number of rules – just what is most essential in your home. And, they must be rules you are willing to enforce. This is probably of greatest importance, for if you are not willing to enforce a rule it is meaningless!

Post Your Rules

So, now you have your rules written down. It is time to post them. (Better make several copies in case your child just rips the list up.) However, once again, if you say it, you have to mean it. So, are you willing to give consequences for broken rules?

If your answer is yes, post your rules! Go over them with your child and then tape them to the refrigerator, to the bathroom mirror, to the pantry door – wherever works for you and so your child will see them.

If your answer is no, do not post them! Think about the situation in your home. You cannot control the behavior of someone else, you can only control your own. So, when you are ready to act differently to achieve different results, to affect positive change in your home . . . to commit to change - post your rules.

Broken Rules Lead to Negative Consequences

Once you have your rules set, it is time to think about consequences, both positive and negative. For following the rules, do not forget to reward you child. Depending on their age, it can be as simple as extra television time or, for an older child, a curfew extension on their next outing. However, your child will quickly learn that the rules are meaningless unless you are serious about enforcing them, which means giving negative consequences. And, as you will learn from attending meetings, Because I Love You is very good with creative consequences!