Dear Dennis:

I have a 12-year-old daughter who has been lying, stealing, shows no respect, and is failing in school. No matter what I do to discipline her, it doesn't affect her nor does she care. I'm really scared that she will be like her 17-year-old sister who is now a single mom and who has stolen from us and her father. My 12-year-old has great potential of being a singer for she has a beautiful voice and loves horses. I'm out of options of what to do; please help us. Sincerely — Phyllis

Good morning Phyllis:

Your daughter is doing what she is doing because she can. This means you must be part of the problem and the changes must start with you. If you are near a B.I.L.Y. group, I would strongly suggest that you attend our meetings to become part of the solution. If you are not, browse through our literature on our web site for some great help. Your daughter unfortunately had a role model that she may be following. You need to get started to make those changes. There is no magic formula and changes do not happen over night, but they do work providing that you are constant.

Also, check out my books for some guidance. If you are in California and near our Granada Hills group, then I will look forward to seeing you on Tuesday evening. Your daughter is a bit too young for our youth group which starts at age 13. We are also starting a parent support group in Van Nuys. Hang in there and remember, when raising children today, pain is inevitable, it is the suffering that is optional. Good luck — Dennis