Dear Dennis:

I really don't know what to do with my daughter; she just turned 18 and got out from Juvenile. She thinks that she can do whatever she wants because she is 18. What can I do? — Veronica

Good morning Veronica:

Let me start out by saying that you are part of the problem. Now you must become part of the solution. Until your daughter turned 18, you were responsible for everything concerning her. Now all you will or can do for her is because you want to, not because you have to. You need to start out by creating a contract for her to remain living in your home. It should consist of what you are willing to provide for her and what she in return must provide for you. If you are near a B.I.L.Y. group, they will help you with this. If not, there are books and articles available on our web site to help you.

In my book "Daddy I'm Pregnant," I gave my children choices such as:

1. Continue with your education and I will help you financially providing you are maintaining good grades and helping around the home.
2. Quit school and pay rent, and a lease would be created. You would be treated like a boarder, meaning if you broke the lease, you would have to move.
3. Pack your bags and find somewhere else to live.

I would support all three choices, but ownership belonged to them.

I created my B.I.L.Y. philosophy which is "In raising children, pain will always be inevitable; it is the suffering that is optional." You can do this. Get support from your spouse if available, and certainly get to a support group to mingle with other parents who are having or have had the same or similar issues. Remember, you are Number One. You must create structure and follow through with consequences. You are and always will be her parent. It is not your job to be her friend. Good luck and hang in there. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. — Dennis