Dear Dennis:

I just read about your organization in the Annie's Mailbox column in my local newspaper. Unfortunately no meetings are close enough to me in CA.

My question for you is that I haven't seen or heard from my 34-year-old son in 15 months, and yesterday he texts me, my husband, and his sister that this will be last time we hear from him. He hates us almost as much as he hates himself. If we die before him, he won't care. He said not to contact him.

I just responded that we love you always. I want to try to see him and talk to him where he lives. I tried once before and he refused. Is this a bad idea? Do you think this is a cry for help? I believe he is an alcoholic and might have just lost his job of six years. Any advice would be great! If there any meetings in the Redondo Beach, CA area, please let me know. — Scared and Sad Mom

Dear Mom:

I wish we had a meeting near you. I know in May we will be opening up in Orange County, and that might be closer than the San Fernando Valley. We have actually had parents come from as far as Torrance, Anaheim, and even Long Beach.

As far as your son, it is in his court as to if and when he wants to see you. The wait may be long, but you must know these are his choices, not yours. If it were me, I would text him back and tell him that you will miss him and that you will pray everyday for his safety, good health, and happiness. I would also say that you look forward to the day when he wants to have a relationship once again with his family, but that it is up to him. This will be your last message to him until he wants to have his family back.

I know that it is very hard, and a support group would help. I wish we were closer. But in the meantime, concentrate on where you have some support and influence, and that is with your daughter and husband. I can relate because my daughter chose her abusive, drug-addict-dealing boyfriend over me at the age of 17, and she ran away with him for 8 years. I did not know where she was or even if she was. I never stopped missing her and praying that she would be safe, but I knew these were her choices and not mine. I have my story in a book titled Daddy, I'm Pregnant which will tell you of my highs and lows during my survival.

Your son has asked you not to contact him, and if it was me, I would abide by that with the exception of the above text. He needs to miss you and needs to want you in his life again, but he is in charge of that, not you. One more suggestion: from the text to him until the day that he returns, keep a journal of your feelings, anger, missing him, etc. Even on the holidays, buy a card and fill it out; put it in a box that someday you will give to him once he realizes that he needs his family in his life. It will show him that you never stopped loving him. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Remember my philosophy which is, in raising children, we will have pain BUT it is the suffering that is optional. Good luck. — Dennis

Dear Dennis:

I so appreciate your very prompt response to my email and your wise advice. It will be hard, but I will send that last text to him and keep him in my heart hoping some day he will want us back. I will also take your suggestion of writing a journal and keeping cards in a box. In the past I have written the cards and sent them to him with, of course, no response.

I'm sorry, but I have another question. After I wrote my email to you, I read some of the letters on your website, and they seemed to mostly be about teenagers, so possibly your support groups would not be appropriate for my situation? Since hearing from you I just might consider going out to the valley.

In any case, I want to very sincerely and appreciatively THANK YOU for responding to me. Because of your kindness in responding and helping to give me some direction, I feel that I can breathe for the first time since yesterday.