Dear Dennis:

My 11-year-old son recently passed his one year anniversary of living as a Type 1 diabetic, so he has extra challenges on his path. However, he is non-compliant with everything from using the restroom when he really needs to (#2) to household responsibilities to schoolwork. He calls himself stupid and says he should just die when confronted with the lies he tells often. He has been to two different counselors and I have not seen any improvements. His father and I are divorced but we are both remarried. I want to help my son, but seem unable to figure out what part to “fix” so we can concentrate on having fun and getting him back on track with his diabetes. Anyone have any suggestions? It seems we have tried everything we’ve heard of and nothing is working. — Barbara

Hi Barbara:

Your son will have these challenges for the remainder of his life or until someday, please God, that a cure is found. In the meantime, you must add a word to the fact that he has diabetes and that word is “Nevertheless.” You and your husband need to sit down and figure out what the house rules are and what chores your son is responsible for. Type them up and post them somewhere like the refrigerator. Then sit down with him and explain each rule and chore and remind him that if he breaks any of the rules or misses doing any of the chores, he will have consequences.

I am not sure what you are referring to when you say “what part to fix”, but you need to parent him with love and with discipline. That is what life is about. He will have to follow rules throughout his life time and the first place that he should start is in his home with the people who mean the most to him. If feeling special is important to your son, let it be for following the rules and cooperating in the home. Reward him for any consistency in following rules and chores so that he begins to learn that it is worth it. If there is a B.I.L.Y. group in your community, getting support from other parents will certainly be a plus. There are some good articles on our web site under references that you might glance through.

Type 1 diabetes is so much more treatable today then it was when I first met my wife in junior high in 1952 and found out that she had juvenile diabetes. We were best friends throughout school and throughout our marriage. She passed away in 1981. She left me with two children who now have children of their own. My daughter is now 45 and has recently developed Type 2 diabetes, so the disease remains in my family and always a concern.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Understand, your son is doing what he is doing because he can. The changes must start with you and your husband before he can make any changes. Finding a good therapist for him is also essential. Sometimes it takes going through a few until one clicks for him, or even contacting the Juvenile Diabetes Research Association for additional advise. Good luck. — Dennis